first day of liquid fasting went well! its about time i have a good day....i feel so relaxed. i always stress sooo much when i eat more than im supposed to. how are you girls doing?!

So, I made it 24 hours+ without eating, and the only reason I had to eat today, was because of My mom. She made Supper and I ate some.

I have ate:
1/3 cup of Peas, steamed: 40
1/4 cup noodles: 36
and Bout 1 1/2 inch long piece of kielbasa: 60

Calorie intake: 136
Calorie outtake: 500 (Swimming)
Total: -364

Kinda mad, I shouldn't have eaten today... Why does my mom force me? It's so unfair. It's my body, not hers....

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currently fake eating right now.
always have to trick my mom.
put a bunch of food on my plate, go in my room and pretend to eat. put most of the food in a ziplock bag and then 15 minutes later walk into the kitchen while she is in there with my plate with a little bit of food left on it and say that was good.
haha. she doesn't suspect a thing.
currently at 5 calories for the day, because i had a mint.
and other than that just water.
don't know if i'm going to eat anything tonight.

i really need to go buy a scale.
and i hope next time i'm able to get on one i'm back down to the weight i was.
cause this weekend really sucked, and brought me down,
i hadn't seen the high of a number on the scale in like a month.
then bam between saturday morning and sunday night it fucking appears.

ugggh. well my moms boyfriend told me "why don't i just put a gun to my head, it would be quicker."
like wow, fuck you. thanks alot.
like what i'm doing is killing myself slowly, NO.
just trying to get a smile on my face.

arrggg.

soo today and yesterday have been going pretty well. i weighed myself last night and so far i have lost 3 lbs the past few days so thats great encouragment :)
( 128 ) so far today i've had an apple, 2 stalks of celery with this low fat cheese spread, and about half a cup of sauted onions and mushrooms. It feels pretty good. eating healthy food taste good and makes me feel less bloated and everything.
i am Hoping to lost another 3 lbs by the end of this week and get to 125.
i know i can do it with eating under 500 calories and working out everyday.

off subject; but lastnight my friend and I slid off a cliff in her car. we were vertical and up in the middle of nowhere in the woods in montana. thank god we had cell phone service and i called my dad.her car's still stuck up there in the 6 inches of snow. :/// i'm scared of driving in the snow now, even though i really dont care if i die.


BE STRONG!!

christmas cookies = evil fat

Damn it.
Mondays, I always slip on Mondays. Mondays are my bad days, because people piss me off and I eat when I'm emotional.
And tonight it's my absolute favorite-spaghetti.
I want it I want it I want it SO BAD.
But I don't want to purge! I hate this.
I want it but I can't eat it.
If I do, I know I'll cut.
It's weird. The leg with all my scars is smaller than the other one o.o
Anyways..if anyone is in the same boat as me and would like to talk, add my msn
Don't even know my weight, so no inspiration to keep going :/
x.loversindenial.x@hotmail.com

I'm sitting here in the casino at the end of the night watching my friends eating a full english breakfast, they are laughing about the graese on it;. How is that funny that they are eating it. I threw up looking at it, I ran to the toulet because it looked ao awful. The snell of it kept making me thibk I was digesting calories. Since when did this become so bad that I'm sick at the smell of calories. I hate how I can't enjoy being normal. I hate hgow they r enjoying eating at the end of the night and sipping on water. I look like the outsider. But once I'm thin they will want to inculde me. I;ll be the one that has friends rather than being alone always. Just wait till I prove them wrong!! X x

i am back.....
i havent been on here for like 7 months and i hate who i have become.
i need to be thin again. i want to be small

FASTING TOMORROW I CAN DO THIS I JUST NEED HELP!! anyone have text/aim/ live in usa

i really apologise for posting so goddamn much, but if i take my time up on here i won't think about food. someone just comment me saying like, "shut the fuck up post whore" if you get sick of me. and then i'll only post like, once a day. lol.

but okay i'm freaking out. i'm on my fifth day of fasting and for the past two days i was stuck at like, 158.2 or .4. but i just weighed myself and i'm 157. i had planned on eating 700 cals tonight to break the plateau and keep fasting, but since i lost 1.2 lbs i don't want to eat anymore. i'm absolutely terrified to gain, or to binge tomorrow, and whatnot. i think it comes down to food itself is beginning to terrify me. i'm not too unmanageably dizzy yet, and the only other problem has been insomnia. should i eat or no? if i let myself decide it'll be no. and i think over 5 days is getting dangerous.

Tomorrow I'm going to fast, until wednesday at 7pm.. When I HAVE to eat. 3 course meal disgusting.

Im gonna do lots of exercise as well.

Is anyone else fasting tomorrow?

had a chicken wrap from mcdonalds, about 340 cals and a ton of water and thats it. and that was only because i was with mom and had to eat, i lost 2 pounds this weekend, leaves me at 216.2. hoping to get 200 by christmas. im super frustrated right now. have my drivers test in the a.m. failed the last one, so im nervous. not ok at the moment
stay strong!!
xoxo

I haven't been keeping track of my food at all and it stops NOW. I don't care that I still have 1 exam... this is ridiculous. My stress / anxiety shouldn't be contributing to my weight, they are two separate things.

Today: 1c mashed potatoes (300), 1 fillet salmon (300), ranch dressing / veggies (300).

Gross.

Hey guys so today was okay i guess. after dropping 3 pounds overnight and getting back to my regular weight of 112 i was happy but was making sure that i didn't gain it back. so I didn't so far i weighed myself at night and i'm 113 and this morning i was 112. i'm hoping i'm 111 tomorrow but we'll see atleast i'm not 115 like the other night . so today I ate

Breakfast: 1 banana, vitamin water (from all the nutrients i lost last night with the laxatives)
Lunch: 2 ice coffees, 4 forkful pieces of grilled chicken
Dinner: 1/8 rice ball, steamed broccoli and couliflour, very tiny piece of meatloaf

done eating at 6:30pm not the best day but i'm sure it was under 800 cals i think. if anyone knows how much please tell me lol. anyway I want to be 105 by christmas but right now i just want to get below 110. goal is 109 by this saturday for my holiday cousins party. hope all of you are well. think thin xo... oh yes and also has anyone ever heard of the RENFREW center foundation. well apparently i'm starting the outpatient 3 nights of week when i get home from my trip to florida over xmas break. Please let me know if anyone has heard of it and if anyone wants to message me anything about it that would be amazing. I'm so nervous. xoxo

Hey guys so today was okay i guess. after dropping 3 pounds overnight and getting back to my regular weight of 112 i was happy but was making sure that i didn't gain it back. so I didn't so far i weighed myself at night and i'm 113 and this morning i was 112. i'm hoping i'm 111 tomorrow but we'll see atleast i'm not 115 like the other night . so today I ate

Breakfast: 1 banana, vitamin water (from all the nutrients i lost last night with the laxatives)
Lunch: 2 ice coffees, 4 forkful pieces of grilled chicken
Dinner: 1/8 rice ball, steamed broccoli and couliflour, very tiny piece of meatloaf

done eating at 6:30pm not the best day but i'm sure it was under 800 cals i think. if anyone knows how much please tell me lol. anyway I want to be 105 by christmas but right now i just want to get below 110. goal is 109 by this saturday for my holiday cousins party. hope all of you are well. think thin xo... oh yes and also has anyone ever heard of the RENFREW center foundation. well apparently i'm starting the outpatient 3 nights of week when i get home from my trip to florida over xmas break. Please let me know if anyone has heard of it and if anyone wants to message me anything about it that would be amazing. I'm so nervous. xoxo

Title: This is Living
Author: p0mba
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not true.
Summary: Frank and Gerard are being rebellious, and robs a bank.

Read.

Today started off alright..

Go Ahead bar in the car on the way to uni (7.30am)

then Red Bull and a banana about (10am)
3 cracker things, an apple, a clemintine and (crisps(108kcals)- 1pm

Pasta with prawns and cherry tomatoes and a small slice of pizza, which i purged straight away.

then went on a 45-1hr walk to the shops to get red bull and some nuts etc :)

hopefully tomorrow will be better AND I WILL NOT CAVE.

I always fucking cave.


hope everyones ok xxxx

Total Icon Count: 36

Teasers:



Here! "Come. We pucker."

Done pretty well today. At about 150 calories. Only about 5 hours left in the day for me, unless I stay up late. I've been sleeping a LOT the past few days so I'm sure it'll be easy to go to bed. Nervous about tonight because I can do good all day and then ruin it at night! I'm not good with hunger, which makes NO sense, but I like to get rid of it, even if it's taking a bite or two of something.

Anyways, trying to work on a take home final and get it done tonight. It would normally take me about an hour, tops, but I have NO attention span. I've never had a very good one, but it is non existent tonight! Add that to no motivation to work on the stupid thing and I'm screwed! lol! It's not due till Wednesday night at 6, but I'm leaving Wednesday morning and want to have it turned in before my final tomorrow night.

Wish me luck. With the final and tonight! I CAN be strong and get back on track! I can focus and finish this stupid paper!